by Dana Rubin‑Winkelman, MSW, CAPSW, Social Worker, Adult Day Services
I hope you and your family are well. I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. I hope to bridge the distance through this electronic connection.
Did you know that millions of people in the United States take care of a friend or family member with dementia? While caregiving can be a labor of love, it can also be demanding, both emotionally and physically. Caregivers often give without recognition. Additionally, many caregivers work so tirelessly to care for a loved one that they overlook their own health and well-being. This selflessness can lead to issues like anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, and loneliness. If left unmanaged, these symptoms can turn into caregiver burnout or a more serious health concern.
November is National Family Caregivers Month. This is a time to honor the dedication, strength, and compassion of those who care for loved ones in need. This month reminds us to celebrate their commitment, acknowledge their sacrifices, and extend our gratitude for the vital role they play in the well-being of families and communities. Consequently, this Touch Points is dedicated to all our loving caregivers. We see you. We recognize the emotional and physical toll of caregiving and encourage you to “refill your tank.” Below, I share a variety of ways to stay healthy, decrease stress, and add positivity to your days. Most of the ideas will work for everyone, but they are particularly relevant for caregivers.
“Think of the emergency instructions you get on an airplane – you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others with theirs. No matter how much you love your partner, you can’t take good care of him or her if you don’t first take good care of yourself.” (Excerpt from the book, My Two Elaines by Former Governor Martin Schreiber)
HEALTHIER CAREGIVING
1. Start with the Basics: Sometimes, we need a gentle reminder to care for ourselves. Healthy eating, exercise, regular check-ups, and preventative care will keep us all safer and healthier. Consider this a gentle nudge in the right direction…
- Healthy Eating and Drinking: Eating well-balanced (regularly scheduled) meals and drinking enough water daily is vital. Did you know we need 6-8 glasses of water each day? That is a lot! Personally, I have to work on drinking enough, so here are some tips. Lately, I have been buying flavored sparkling water at the grocery store or infusing water at home with fruit (lemon and lime are my favorites). Besides being delicious, I feel quite extravagant! In addition, all this deliciousness has no calories and no sodium – which is terrific! So, drink up, friends! (Check with your doctor regarding questions about your recommended fluid intake.)
- When was the Last Time You Saw the Doctor? Do not overlook your own health. Please make regular appointments with your physician, and do not ignore or put off concerning symptoms. Physical self-care is important; reduce your risks and stay healthy. Ask your doctor about recommended preventive care, including vaccines (Flu, COVID, and others), as well as any needed blood work or screening tests.
- Exercise: I know you are busy helping your loved one, but finding a way to move your body is important! If your loved one can walk outside safely with you, bundle up and get into a routine together. If it’s too chilly, then consider walking inside (at a mall or a health club). If you have extra help, walk by yourself or on a treadmill. No excuses for those living in an apartment or condo… try taking the stairs or walking the halls. In addition, simple stretching, chair exercises, or yoga are wonderful. It is no big secret that exercise also releases stress and boosts your mood. Get moving! Of course, if you have any health conditions, please check with your doctor first.
- Don’t Ignore Your Emotions: Pay attention to your feelings. Vent to trusted family or friends. Sometimes, however, it is easier to speak with a trained professional counselor. He/she will listen to you and help you find answers to your problems. Discussing feelings can decrease stress and clarify an issue. Teletherapy is also widely available.
- Caregiver Support Group: Join this beautiful group dedicated to those providing care and support for a loved one with memory loss. Connect with others “who get it,” ask questions, and share insights/experiences. You will love hanging out with this menschy group; I certainly do! I facilitate virtual and in-person gatherings on the first and third Fridays of each month from 12:30 pm to 1:30 pm. (Intended for families enrolled in our services.) For more information, contact me via email or 414.721.9249.
“Treat your body like it belongs to someone you love.” (Thepositivemom.com)
2. Practice Gratitude During November and Every Day! “In Judaism, the middah (Jewish value) of hakarat hatov is used to emphasize the importance of recognizing the amazing things G-d has blessed us with in our lives. Not only is hakarat hatov about gratitude, it is also about our attitude toward the world around us.” (The Blue Dove Foundation) This simple, but intentional act, reminds us of our blessings. Being grateful can also increase our optimism and happiness. We all have difficult days, but recognizing the good will bring more satisfaction and peace. Don’t let the stresses of daily life get in the way of expressing gratitude and positive thoughts. Set your own personal challenge, start today, and add daily appreciation to your life. Shift your attitude toward gratefulness.
To put you on the right path, answer the prompts below:
- I am grateful for three things I see.
- I am grateful for three things in my home.
- What is better today than yesterday?
- Who are the special people in my life?
- What’s a weird thing you are thankful for? – Me? Well, today I am thankful for elastic stretchy pants (and I bet you are too!), a facial tissue with lotion, and delicious creamer for my coffee. What would you say? Laugh and ask this funny, creative question during Thanksgiving. I wonder who will have the best answer?! In my family… I am guessing my brother Richie comes up with a doozy! 😊
“Gratitude reverses our priorities to help us appreciate the people and things we do.” (Joel Wong, PhD, and Joshua W. Brown, PhD)
3. Caregiving Stress Busters: When was the last time you truly took a moment just for yourself? Create a daily ritual by taking 20 to 30 minutes to care for yourself. Give yourself permission to pause, reset, and do something that brings you comfort or joy. Everyone needs a break from caregiving. Whether it’s reading, meditating, taking a bath, enjoying a warm drink, or simply breathing for a moment, small acts of self-care can ease stress and restore your energy. What makes you happy? What is calming, and/or feels warm and cozy? If you are unable to find the time, consider coordinating help from family or hiring a caregiving agency. Everyone can find a special ritual that brings comfort. What do you do?
“Self-care is not an expense, it’s an investment.” (Minimalism.co)
4. Fill Moments With Creativity and Meaning: Fashion the best possible day for your loved one with these meaningful ideas…
- Share a Special Moment with Creative Questions: Asking engaging, interesting questions will help you connect with your loved one. Create a special afternoon with a cup of tea, a sweet nosh (snack or a nibble), and fun questions! You never know what memories may surface. Relax, reminisce, and smile. As your loved one recalls fond memories, look at a photo album together.
- Learn the Answers to These Questions: Who influenced you the most? What is your earliest memory? What is your favorite age and why? What do you love about yourself?
“There are only four kinds of people in the world – Those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.” (Rosalynn Carter)
5. Lower Stress with Music: Music has the ability to help us relax and improve our mood. Pay attention to how your body feels while listening. Close your eyes, sing, and unwind. Which tunes touched your soul? Let the songs take you away.
- “Days Like This” by Van Morrison: Soothe your soul with this beautiful 3-minute song.
- “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers: What a beautiful reminder that we aren’t alone. “…Just call on me, brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on.” Having a tough day? Just call someone and share your load. Remember, you can always call me, too! (4-minute song)
- “Light of a Clear Blue Morning” by Dolly Parton: This song is a breath of fresh air! Released 45 years ago, her sentiment still rings true! If you need a little lift, listen to this magical 5-minute song.
- “Catch a Falling Star” by Perry Como: This sweet song will melt your heart. “For when your troubles start multiplyin’, and they just might, it’s easy to forget them without tryin’– with just a pocket full of starlight.” What is your “starlight?” Click here and sing along (2-minute song, lyrics included).
“Music can change your mood in a second. Listen to music that makes you smile.” (author unknown)
6. Speak Out Against Anti-Israel and Jewish Hate: Actor David Schwimmer said, “You don’t have to say anything political; no one’s asking you to solve the conflict in the Middle East. Just say that you stand with your Jewish friends, colleagues, and neighbors against hatred and discrimination.” Please bring Israel into your thoughts with this prayer by The Maccabeats: Avinu Shebashamayim – A Prayer for the Welfare for the State of Israel.
“Caregivers are superheroes in comfortable clothes.” (Visiting The Gray Planet)
Caregivers, thank you for all you do! Please take care of yourselves, for you are precious to us and to your loved ones. In addition, I hope Thanksgiving brings you many reasons to feel gratitude and joy.
Do you have a question related to aging, memory loss, community resources, or caregiving? I am here and happy to assist! Please do not hesitate to contact me.
Thinking of you and sending all my positive energy, light, and love,
Dana
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